I had a picture in my mind about what motherhood would be like. I knew the signs of postpartum depression and I explained it to my husband so he would be able to look for them, just in case I wasn't able to recognize it in myself. I never really thought it would be me. Here is my experience...
When I finally realized that I had a problem that I couldn't solve myself I sought medical advice. When it was confirmed that I was suffering from postpartum depression I began taking medication and found a therapist that specializes in woman's issues. I told very few people. I felt as though I would be judged, as if having postpartum depression would mean that I am bad mother. I was worried that everyone would start tip toeing around me, worried that they were going to set me off somehow. This could not have been further from the truth.
I'm a great mom. My daughter is sometimes the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning. And that is the truth. Even though I am suffering right now, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I can't fully express what she means to me, but those of you with children will understand.
Depression isn't something I can explain to someone who hasn't been through it. This is like nothing I have ever experienced before. I'm anxious all the time. I worry about everything. I feel as though the floor is falling out from underneath me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Even now, as I type, I am afraid of posting. I'm afraid of the world knowing what I am going through. But at the same time, if I can help one person understand, if I can give one person the oppurtunity for support and comfort then it will have been worth it. My hope is that this will be a starting point for those suffering from depression to feel comfortable talking about their issues with those who can be supportive. http://www.postpartumprogress.com/
