Intimacy Changes

This week I would like to discuss the changes that occur in the level of intimacy between a husband and wife after having a baby.  I don't have much advice for the single parents out there, but maybe something I say could help in other aspects of you life.  So bare with me here and please feel free to leave comments and suggestions.  I want to hear all you have to say.
For those of you who don't know, you're not supposed to have physical intercourse for at least six weeks after having a baby.  I remember about 2 weeks after having my daughter wondering why anyone would want anything to come near that area for months.  But after a few more weeks went by I really started to miss having that close intimate feeling with my husband.  Sure there are other ways to gain intimacy, but let's be honest here, for most of us prior to having children sex is the main dish in that department. 
Ok, here's where I get all mushy gushy!  After having my daughter, my husband and I felt a new kind of bond.  Here was this amazing, beautiful baby that we had created together.  She wasn't just ours she was a part of us is so many ways.  That first two weeks that I didn't want anyone touching me, was spent bonding with my baby and my husband, simply discovering the newness of our lives.  I became joyful simply watching my husband hold our daughter.  This period is what is typically called the "Babymoon".  I believe this to be an extremely important time for your new family.  Unfortunately for some, this is also the time that everyone wants to come over and see the baby.  For us, having all of our family and friends make goo goo eyes at our precious creation helped seal the bond.  We did create certain rules though.  We only had one family over at time and we had "visiting hours".  We asked people to only come by during a set amount of time and to let us know in advance.  This way it didn't feel too hectic.  Also, another way to feel a little more comfortable is to only have people over that you don't feel you need to clean up for.  Most people understand that your house will be messy and you may not have showered in a few days, but if you don't feel comfortable with someone seeing you like this, just say that it isn't a good time.  Take those first few weeks to bond with your new family.
After the first two weeks it begins to set in that this is your life.  In essence, reality starts to set in.  If you remember from my previous post, sleep deprivation begins to become a problem, and, as I remember I started to wonder if my life would ever feel "normal" again.  Don't get me wrong!  I was still very much in love my baby and happy with my life, but I was starting to miss my husband.
From this point we decided to make an effort to spend one hour a week together after the baby was sleeping.  It doesn't sound like much, but because we were so tired that was really all we could commit to at the moment.  Some weeks it was really hard to stay awake, but we made the commitment and we really wanted to stick with it.  We would usually just talk about the week and cuddle.  Sometimes we would play a game or watch a movie.  We would also try to find little ways throughout the week to connect.  A kiss here, a hug there, making sure to say "I love you" A LOT!  We made sure to eat dinner at the table and not in front of the TV.  Sometimes the baby would be sleeping and sometimes she would be in her bouncer seat next to us at the table.
Finding the time to connect is probably the most difficult part.  I can't stress organization enough.  Get together for a few minutes every night to talk about your day.  Plan the next day before bed and make sure to schedule both "me" time and "us" time. 

One of the hardest parts about postpartum depression for me was the guilt I felt over many things.  One of those guilty experiences had to do with taking time for myself.  I knew that spending time with my husband was important.  You have to stay connected in order to be good parents, but taking time for myself felt selfish.  It's a little crazy I know.  Then one day I saw something that said "Then one day, she decided to create the life of her dreams... while her child watched her every move."  That's what it's all about.  Parenting isn't about giving your child everything it's about teaching them that they can have all the love and beauty in the world and showing them the way.